Have you ever blown it?

Yes? Oh, so you're not perfect either?

I'm so glad to hear that! Just recently I really got upset with my daughter. Why was I upset?

Let me explain.  As you well know, there has never been a perfect father to grace this earth with his pressence. Hey, wouldn't it be nice if there was? We could do some learning from him right?

Well I'm guessing we'd better make do with some insights on character in action instead. I've discovered that it takes character to say, "I was wrong".

How to overcome their "I told you so" response.

"What good would that do?" You may ask. Surely when we've blown it everyone around us rushed to our aid to announce, "Dad, you've done wrong". So our male logical mind wonders about the value in saying, "I was wrong".

There is real power in those words. They're more powerful than "I love you".

Will joyfulness overcome relationship barriers?

I was doing some study on the character quality of joyfulness recently. I've done this particular study at least 2 or 3 times before. But this time I paid more attention to some of the resources, and learned alot more about joyfulness.

One of the things I learnt was quite a startling surprise to me.

I came to realise that when I respond properly to trials and difficulties that I face each day, I'll improve my relationship with the members of my family. I guess it is logical because who wants to live with a grump?

But there is more to it than that. I discovered that others found their children became more interested in the things that interested their father when he responded to trials with joy.

Trials. What is there to be joyful about?

Let me illustrate this with a real example. After learning about my need to respond to trials and other difficulties with joyfulness, something fell from the bench in the laundry onto the floor.

I was in a hurry. I didn't like it and thought, "Great. Something else to pick up." Then I was grumpy.

But a blinding flash of my new learning zapped into consciousness. I thought, "What good could come of that?" I suddenly thought, I could create some shelves with scrap wood to tidy up that small crowded bench space.

Then I took the really important step. This is the secret to joyful relationships with daughters. I thanked the God who made me for the annoyance of things dropping off the bench. Because if it had not, the thought of making some shelves would never have entered my disorganised mind!

At that moment of thankfulness, I transformed an irritation into joyfulness. This means that I was in a better frame of mind to relate to my daughters.

How does that relate to saying I'm wrong?

The next step for me was explaining my new learning to my family. I did that this evening at the meal time. This was going to be easy, I thought.

Next I'm going to show you how this evening's explanation to the children impacted my father daughter relationship with my oldest daughter.

I explained to all the children that I had been wrong in the past by not responding to trials and difficulties with the right attitude. That was easy enough for me.

Then I tried to explain it with an example. In this case this evening I was specifically talking about the trials of having people accuse us of things that are not true.

I explained what "accuse" meant then I explained some more. I gave the children a simple example to help them understand the idea.

So I said to my oldest daughter, "Now I'm going to accuse you of being a man! Now that is not true of course." I said and went on to say, "This page here (I was looking at) shows us that when we react with anger to wrong accusations it shows that it may be true. That means if I accuse you of being a man and you get angry with me, it maybe an indication that it is true or partly true. But if you are joyful about the false accusation, bystanders and those who hear about it can see it is not true and does not affect you."

All went well so far. Then I explained the material I had been working through by reading off a summary sheet I had in front of me. I used an anacronym of G.R.E.A.T for a great response.

Then it happened. My wife casually asked me a question about a disagreement I'd had with the oldest daughter earlier in the evening. Unfortunately for me, it turned out I had misunderstood my wife's instructions to her, and had falsely accused my oldest daughter of doing wrong! But to make matters worse, I had made her act on what I thought was my wife's instructions to her.

When do we benefit from this learning?

Now when I discovered I was wrong and made my daughter do some things she was not required to do, I was ready to react. I started disagreeing with my wife, and stating it is her fault for not communicating...

My son simply states, "Are you having a G.R.E.A.T response?"

I lowered my head, stuck my hands on my head. I had an opportunity to be humble. I'm grateful for that. In other words, the rubber hit the road!

That instant I called my daughter over to me. Reluctantly she came. I whispered in her ear, "I was wrong!"

We benefit from this learning after we use it in everyday life. But we will also benefit for years to come by the great relationship we enjoy with our daughters, and freedom from a grumpy mindset.

If you're interested in finding out how you can have a FatherDaughter Event in your town, call or text me on 027 489 6141.